Last Friday, I wrote A Brutally Honest Cover Letter. In honor of keeping it light & fun on a Friday, now I’m going to write a brutally honest job description. I’ll start with a Project Manager.
Disclosure: No, I am NOT a Project Manager, PMP, or anything of the sort. But if I were, here’s how I think the job description would read if it were honest.
Project Manager Duties & Responsibilities
- Read, respond to, and keep track of thousands of emails
- Google things for others
- Nag people by email, phone, and in person about their action items.
- Repeat “Where are we with that?” ad nauseum.
- Play dumb to elicit the information you need
- Patiently listen to all parties’ complaints about how they don’t have enough time or resources
- Keep a “cheat sheet” of risks handy to copy and paste into every project
- Track and document how much time you devoted to each project(s)
- Write down what everyone says in the Project Dashboard
- But not the extreme amount of time it takes to document the above in the Project Management dashboard
- Organize meetings and check-in calls
- Routinely tell people to go on mute on a call
- Never appear stressed
- Work with extremely diverse teams and keep track of all of their professional jargon and acronyms
- Work at least 3 of the following into your workday: “scale across the enterprise,” “mitigate risks,” “resource allocation,” “slippage,” “missing a key deliverable,” “PMP,” “key stakeholders,” “rollout,” “change log,” “project sponsor.” (I’m sure I’m missing some!)
If your job description were brutally honest, what would it say?